


Flirting

by Anonymous



Category: EOS 10 (Podcast)
Genre: Flirting, Gen, RYAN'S GOOD AT FLIRTING IF HE TRIES ACTUALLY CHANGE MY MIND, please do not take author's terrible flirting to be indicative of the characters, posting this so I'm working on SOMETHING sorry it had to be this, ryan's mom is a lean mean flirting machine, ryan's not bad very good flirting, this is just something fun and funny why not?, this isn't MEANT to be Ryan/Jane but it sure could be if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-20 16:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19994989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: It turns out that Doctor Dallias has some hidden talents.





	Flirting

As Ryan and his mother approached the cafeteria he noticed Jane sitting with Levi- her head on the table as he patted her on the back. Ahh, looked like they’d already been arguing.

“What’s up Jane?”

His mother gave a smile as she slid into a seat across from them, leaving the one beside her free for her son. Ryan carefully sat his tray down as he followed suit, hoping that whatever the two of them had gotten up to, it wouldn’t ruin his chance to enjoy his cafeteria pasta. Lord knew that he’d had enough to deal with lately.

“Doctor Dallias. Mrs Dallias.” Levi let go of Jane to politely shake Ryan’s mom’s hand. “I’m afraid Nurse Johns is… well, feeling a little under the weather at the moment.”

His mother made a sympathetic noise as Ryan stared blankly.

“She’s sick?” Oh god. If there was any germ loose that was hardy enough to infect Jane then there was no hope for the rest of them. He could just see himself pulling triple shifts already.

“Well no. It’s uh… perhaps more of a… delicate matter. Isn’t that right, Nurse Johns?”

Jane groaned.

“Mm loosen ma esh” she mumbled. Ryan raised an eyebrow at Levi, who shrugged.

“Yeah… didn’t catch that, Jane.” She lifted her head off the table, narrowing her eyes at Ryan.

“I SAID, I’m losing my edge!” He blinked.

“Uh… you maybe wanna explain that to me a little more? Still lost.”

Levi cleared his throat. “Nurse Johns attempted to ‘Jane’ one of the cafeteria workers in order to receive a larger portion of the cake they are serving. It… did not go well.“

"’Jane’”? His mom asked, curiously. Ryan rolled his eyes.

“It’s… a thing she does when she wants something.”

“Yes. She refers to it as her "secret weapon”. I believe that it often involves talking in a lower voice and unbuttoning your top clothing in a way that resembles a wardrobe malfunction. But on purpose!“

Ryan’s mom made a little hum of understanding. Jane slammed her fists down on the table.

"Yeah, but it hasn’t been working for me lately. It seems like I’m becoming less and less attractive by the day! Oh god Ryan… what if I have to spend the rest of my life alone and I can’t even become a crazy old cat lady because I can’t JANE the Quartermaster into giving me a pet? I CAN’T BECOME A DOG LADY RYAN, I’LL WIND UP BREAKING MY HIP ONE DAY WHEN WALKING THEM AND THEN I’LL BE EVEN MORE UNATTRACTIVE, AND ALSO I CAN’T WALK! I’LL BE EVEN MORE UNLOVABLE!”

Ryan glanced around them, alarmed. “Jane! For god’s sake- quiet down! That’s not going to happen!”

His mother took a sip of her coffee, before delicately placing the cup down on the table and steepling her chin on her fingers, like some kind of movie villain.

“So this ‘Jane-ing’ is a lot like flirting, then?” She asked, smiling a dangerous smile. Ryan felt his palms begin to sweat. Oh god. Abort!

“No! Mom please- we don’t-”

“Shh, Ryan!” Jane leaned forward, fixing his mother with rapt attention. He resisted the urge to slam his face into the table. The very VERY tempting urge.

“Yeah, you could say that. Got any advice?”

His mom’s grin widened. Ryan paled.

“Well dear, if there’s anything that I can safely advise you on, it’s flirting. Isn’t that right Ryan?” He put his face in his hands.

“No. No! Mom please- I just want to eat my lunch in peace, okay? I know it’s some unwritten Mom Rule that you are obligated to embarrass your kids, but I am begging you; leave it.”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic Ryan. Your friend’s in need, isn’t that right Jane?”

Jane nodded frantically. “Oh yeah! BIG TIME. And I’m sure Levi would love to be able to observe this kinda stuff, right Levi?”

She elbowed him eagerly as he straightened up, fixing Ryan and his mom with the alien equivalent of puppy eyes.

“Oh very much so! I’m always fascinated by your Earth courting rituals.”

His mom put her hand on his arm in a way that felt very much like one of the medical straps he used to secure patients arms for surgery.

“You see Ryan? It would help both of your friends. Oh, he used to be so good at it too. I don’t know why he’s never tried to help you before.”

Jane gasped delightedly as Ryan burst into a spontaneous coughing fit.

“RYAN used to be a huge flirt? Oh my god, now this I’ve gotta see!” Ryan glared hard at Jane, who didn’t seem perturbed by the usually fearsome force of his irritation.

“No! Mom, don’t do this. Can’t we just go and annoy Doctor Urvidian? You like doing that, I know you do!”

He was stoically ignored.

“A demonstration WOULD be best for this kind of thing, Ryan. Come on honey, after I taught you it seems fair that you should return the favour.”

“No!”

Levi enthusiastically took up the reigns.

“Ah, but it would be very fascinating to see, Doctor Dallias. I don’t think an explanation would suffice, since I’m told these things require many subtle movements and emphasis that is quite difficult to replicate.”

“No! I’m not having any part in this!”

Jane threw herself forward on the table to grab his shoulders.

“C’mon, I’m desperate! Ryan, if you do this for me then I swear to god I will owe you a favour. Any favour. No questions asked! Look, I’ll even get it in writing!” She fished a small notepad out of her pocket and frantically scribbled something down. She proudly showed him the IOU, with the words _“I owe you one favour, no restrictions. Signed, Lieutenant Commander Jane Johns”_. She’d also put a smiley face on it, to add insult to injury.

“And Doctor Dallias, I will also owe you a debt! Nurse Johns, could you write one out for me too? It’s A, R, L, U, E-”

Ryan gritted his teeth, before snatching the notepad from Jane.

“Fine! Oh my god, I’ll do it ONCE, and then you’d better believe that I’ll be cashing in those favours for something awful! Not ONE WORD of this to anyone, got it? Nobody! And you Levi- no coming into my office for the month!”

“Agreed!” Jane and Levi chorused. Ryan ran a hand down his face, irritated that they had so quickly given in. His mother clapped.

“Okay Jane, come over and stand by Ryan so we can show you. Make me proud, son.”

“Whatever.”

He unwillingly dragged himself off of his chair, sighing. As Jane approached, Ryan gave a last sigh, before seeming to shake himself off. His stance changed, from beleaguered, angry doctor to something… imperceptibly more inviting. His head was tilted slightly to the side, and there was a soft look on his face with a subtle smile. He leaned one arm on the table beside him, an arm that still had a trace of muscle definition from his years of swimming.

“Hey Jane. There’s- oh.” His eyes widened slightly as he stared at her face, as if looking at something awe-inspiring.

“What?” Jane asked, a little embarrassed at the fact that her voice caught. Ryan gently moved her chin upwards so that he could look more deeply into her eyes.

“I never noticed- your eyes are such a beautiful colour, Jane.” God help her, there was something about the way he said it- so intimately, so shyly, that she could feel herself blushing a little. Her eyes grew lidded as he gently brushed his thumb underneath her chin. She swallowed.

“-And scene! Ryan honey, don’t you think the physical contact was cheating?”

The intimate air that had been forming broke as Ryan dropped his hand and moved to glare at his mother.

“Hey! I didn’t want to do this in the first place, okay? You take what you can get!”

“Fine, fine. I suppose you must be a little rusty anyway.” He slumped back into his seat to finally begin to eat his pasta, waving off her words.

“Whatever- I did it, and I’m not going to do it again.” Jane and Levi shared a shocked look, before Jane clasped his shoulder.

“Ryan! Oh my god, that should have been so stupid, but you got it to work! You!” She dramatically pointed at his mother. “You HAVE to help me do that! You’re a miracle worker!” Levi vibrated excitedly.

“Who knew that Doctor Dallias had such mastery of romance? Oh my, I’m learning so much already! Mrs Dallias, please tell me all you know about this ‘flirting’, and don’t skip on anything!”

Ryan’s mom gave them a coy look as she settled back down to finish the last of her coffee. 

“Absolutely! If one of you could get me a slice of that cake you were talking about earlier, then we can get down to business.”

Ryan chewed sullenly, already beginning to feel a headache blossoming. It was going to be a LONG day.


End file.
